As I watched her walk by with her LuLus and David Yurmans, I could not resist cowering in my chair. My TJ Maxx leggings and bracelet-less wrist forced me to pull down my jacket sleeves in shame. This girl was a stranger, yet her image of beauty stuck with me, especially compared to my own lackluster appearance.
But this girl was the not the last to walk past me with a high head and a Louis Vuitton. At my small private school, girls like her are all too common. Most girls rock the hip-hugging athletic wear and blonde hair with confidence.
Confidence. Society (Demi Lovato, in particular) details how great confidence is. Celebrities strut about in high-dollar fashion and manicured looks, proclaiming messages that status equates to happiness. And to have a worthy status, you have to look and act in ways that accentuate your body and your skills. With confidence.
But I’ll be honest, even though God has granted me a few reasons to be confident by society’s standards, confidence is still hard when life happens and I don’t measure up.
Worldly Confidence
I have been working hard on my resume ever since I started working in my early high school years. As the years progress, I add a new accomplishment or skill to the now two-page document. Because society demands for me to become marketable, I have done everything with this ideal in mind. Good grades, relevant jobs, and extracurricular research have all aided in my attempts. When employers look at my resume, I want them to see a driven and near-perfect employee. They learn this through my resume.
In addition, I have chosen to work hard on my body to keep it fit. Summers are easier, for I do not have the hectic schedule of full-time grad work that happens in the fall and spring semesters. During summer, I work out every day, eat salads for lunch, and drink lots of water. However, once fall rolls around again, Hot Pockets replace the salads, studying supplants exercise, and coffee substitutes water. And as a result, my strong abs disappear, as does my confidence.
These two examples only highlight the strongest indicators of confidence for me, but I fail in both often. I would like to say I am the perfect employee, but every now and then, my humanity shows, and I make a mistake. Even if the mistake is minor, my perfectionism takes over the rational side of my brain and tells me I am a failure and need to do better.
And I would love to say that I am completely comfortable in my own skin, and most of the time, I am. But when someone prettier, skinnier, or fitter walks by, I cannot help but notice the stark contrast between her and myself. Thus, my face (and my confidence) drops.
Confidence Thief
Most people have heard the phrase “comparison is the thief of joy.” This phrase is such a sweet reminder that we are not alone in our comparison struggles. When we compare to other women, who are more successful, farther along in their careers, or more beautiful by the world’s standards, we see where we are in comparison and feel inferior.
However, when we turn the comparison around and see ourselves in comparison to God, we see that we all fall short (Romans 3:11). And by all, I mean the beautiful sorority girl who does everything on campus, the student or fellow employee who seems to do everything perfectly and at ease, and everyone else in between. We are all sinners, so God sees no one as greater than another. We girls can work out as much as we want, eat salads for days, and wear cute clothes, but none of these tactics will produce the perfect people we desire to be because we, by nature, are imperfect.
God gave us unique physiques, family backgrounds, and life goals, among many other character traits, for specific purposes. He did not give us wider hips, brown hair, and a frugal family on accident. To reject how God designed us is to reject His will. However, we know by Romans 8:28 that God’s plan is for His glory and our good. We know that His design is no mistake. We are not mistakes.
Joyful Confidence
Furthermore, we can trust that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). We did not save ourselves from our sin, just like we did not design our own bodies. We certainly can utilize the bodies God has given us in healthy and God-honoring ways, just like we can proclaim our salvation in Christ alone for God’s fame. But we cannot make something that is imperfect, perfect. Only Jesus can do that, and He already did.
All other comparisons result in feelings of failure, insufficiency, and hopelessness. So why not rely on Jesus, who never fails, who completely satisfies, and who offers eternal hope?
Rather than comparing myself to other women and feeling a lack of joy, I will instead compare myself to God, seeing how much we all fail every day and knowing that He loves me anyway. Joy comes from God alone, so comparing myself to Him and knowing I can do nothing to earn His love for Him to choose me is the ultimate source of my joy. I hope it can be yours too.
