Another School Year

The new school year, like most beginnings, is typically full of one thing: ambition. Students across the nation buy planners, new clothes, and laptops galore in anticipation of the impending stress that comes in October. This semester, they will make an A. This time, they will make the cut to be part of the beloved Greek Life. This year, they will find that significant other to go to the annual formal with them.

But this year, I am feeling much less than ambitious.

A lot of changes seem to have happened at my university, or at least, they have in my department. Whereas I had grown accustomed to my professors during my first year of grad school, I now have nothing but new professors that I have to adjust to all over again. They are not only new to me, but they are also new to the university, which makes it that much harder for me take them seriously. (Yes, I know this is judgmental, and yes, I am ashamed.) I have sat through all three classes once at this point, and I am far from thrilled with some of the adjustments.

Of course, I will still read all of the assignments, meet all the requirements (Lord-willing), and overachieve on all the studying (because, you know, this is grad school). But I am just not feeling it this year.

And maybe I feel so blah because I am feeling an overwhelming amount of impatience. I am ready to be a licensed counselor. I am ready to publish my book. I am ready to enter the work force as a normal American citizen with a degree. But none of these things can happen yet, and all of them are out of my control.

Ugh.

However, impatience, I’ve heard, equates with distrust. My lack of patience, I know, actually reflects a discontentment with what God is doing, and really, that just stinks. I feel ready for the next stages of my life, my book, and my work world. I know I still have a lot to learn, but I have some experience under my belt – I’m ready to take a swing at things on my own.

But I have to remind myself that God is sovereign. He knows what my tomorrow looks like, and He knows what my ten-years-from-now looks like. He knows that me having to go through the motions of grad school will pay off whenever I become licensed. He knows that me waiting for others to read and edit my book will prove fruitful when I start looking for literary agents. He knows that my part-time jobs are actually building up my resume for when I can enter the full-time workforce.

He knows all of this, so I have to trust that what He knows is better than what I know. Because I know nothing if I don’t know Him.

This first week of school has been less than exciting, but I know that when I look back at the end of the semester, I will see what God sees now. I will see that this lesson of patience will produce more reliance on the God who knows all. And more reliance will produce an ambition that extends beyond the campus and that will not fail when sub-par grades, incompetent performance, or mid-semester stress arises.

I can instead work hard (1 Thess. 2:9) to do my best with goals not set to glorify myself, but to glorify God alone (2 Cor. 10:17). Any success I may have will only happen because of God’s grace, and any failures I make will magnify His name all the more, for God says, “‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness’” (2 Cor. 12:9).

Therefore, as I wait for my final textbooks to arrive, wait to receive edits on my book’s chapters, and wait for this impatience to decrease, I will also aim to turn off this Negative-Nancy attitude and turn on an attitude of praise. God began this grad school work in me and this book idea a year ago, and He will be faithful to carry it out to completion (Phil. 1:6).

“And in this matter I give my judgment: [the gospel] benefits you, who a year ago started not only to do this work but also to desire to do it. So now finish doing it as well, so that your readiness in desiring it may be matched by your completing it out of what you have. For if the readiness is there, it is acceptable according to what a person has, not according to what he does not have.” 2 Cor. 8:10-12