Well, fam. Everyone here and their mothers seem to be feeling comfortable with the regular rhythms of the school year again. The shock has worn off. The excitement has fizzled. And for some students, the groove is beginning to feel like second nature as they continue to pursue education for yet another year. This adjustment is normal to the seasoned vets who strut around campus with grace and confidence.
And then there’s me.
We are a month into the school year now, and by golly, I am still having a hard time figuring out this impossible semester. The Type A in me wants – needs – a plan of action for all of my classes, yet roadblocks keep pointing me in different directions. Plans seem ephemeral, ready to shift at a professor’s notice. And I keep saying yes to all the things that will help build my resume because I need to do all the research, all the writing, and all the learning that I can possibly do at one time because I am just an over-achiever like that.
Yet lately, I keep making mistakes. Despite my usual drive to do everything perfectly, I have made mindless errors this past week. My language comes out jumbled as I try to put my thoughts in order, and a constant cloud of uncertainty keeps funneling complaints from my head to my mouth.
And even as I open my mouth – knowing what is about to come out and still plunging ahead – I can feel the stressed and anxious attitude suppressing my peace and stealing my joy. The word vomit pollutes the things that normally uplift my spirit – such as my friends, good food, and time with God. I pour forth the negatives in my life to anyone who will listen, and I am sure, by now, they are getting tired of listening to the downcast banter because, well, I am getting tired of hearing it.
But can I just be real for a second? This semester is not easy. Plus, I am a girl – sometimes we ladies can just get downright overwhelmed easily. And that’s exactly what I did this past Tuesday evening.
Y’all. I literally cried. About school.
And I am not even an emotional person, typically. I don’t even remember the last time I cried, but there I was Tuesday, walking away from my discussion with a professor on the verge of tears.
But one thing I can cling to amidst all of this adjustment is the fact that all of the struggle is not in vain. Because I know that God is sovereign, I know that my tears were not meaningless. He works all things (not some things, not just the good things – all things) together for my good (Romans 8:28). He knows how this semester will play out and how it will be useful. My labor will not be in vain.
Instead of letting the steady flow of tears from Tuesday ruin the rest of my semester, I can proclaim victory in the One who will wipe away all tears, for God says that “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away” (Revelation 21:4).
Instead of letting exhaustion and frustration overwhelm me, I can transform my goal from attaining my own perfection to clinging onto the Only One who is Perfect. I can “fight the good fight of the faith” (1 Timothy 6:12) and “pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness” (1 Timothy 6:11), trusting that God does not demand me to attain these qualities, but to pursue them because He knows that I will experience the most joy in an obedience to His Word.
Finally, instead of feeling inferior to those who are excelling now, I can know for a fact that I am not alone. I can see that my struggle pales in comparison to Jesus’ suffering on the cross, when He bore my sins so that I can live. Therefore, rather than running to complaining, I can trust God when He says, “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9).
If you are in a similar situation as me, know you are not alone. Today, I will rest in God’s grace, and tomorrow, I will finally mark some things off of my to-do list. I will make a plan to do all that God has for me. And I will do it all with a joyful heart because I know that all of my work is ultimately for Him. So that is how I want to approach my every day. Not for school. Not for my own sense of accomplishment. But always and forever, for Him.
“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.” Colossians 3:23
